How to Choose a Therapist

Finding a therapist, like finding a good date, is hard. You may have been flirting with the idea of going to therapy for a while, but the timing hasn’t been right until now. Maybe your family and friends have been encouraging you to talk to someone for some time, and now you finally feel ready. Or maybe you find yourself starting over after your beloved therapist is moving on and you don’t know how you were able to find such a good fit the first time around. Whichever path brought you to this point of choosing a therapist, it can be hard to know where to begin. As a therapist who is also a client herself, I know how daunting it can feel. Here are a few tips for successfully navigating the intimidating world of therapist hunting.

Know Your Goals.

A good place to start is with yourself. Therapy is one of the few spaces where it’s all about you! So, it’s hard to gauge success if you don’t know what you’re needing in the first place. Remember, the therapist may be the expert in mental health, but you are the expert on you! What are you hoping to accomplish with therapy? Do you feel like you’ve got a pretty good handle on things, but just need a space to vent and process the stressful situations or relationships in your life? Are there any specific skills you want to work on like building self-confidence, or managing your anger? Are there more intense or chronic mental health struggles like depression or anxiety that you want to treat? Sometimes it can be hard to even know why you’re going; you just know that you think it could help. That’s ok! Therapists are trained to identify the problems you’re experiencing and set appropriate goals, so by no means does it all fall to you. But, it can help them know where to focus if you come in with a general sense of what you want to work on. If you’re struggling to identify a goal, you could ask yourself the magic question: If I woke up one day and I was no longer struggling how I’m struggling now, how would my life look different?

Know Who You’re Looking For.

Imagine you’re single. (If you’re like me, you won’t have much imagining to do.) A friend or relative knows you’re looking to date and is reminded of the perfect person to set you up with. Before you accept, you would probably be asking all sorts of questions and running a complicated calculus in your head about whether going out with this person has a sufficient probability of success. What’s he like? Does she care about the things I care about? What does she do for a living? Is he close to his family? You would be vetting this person according to an internal idea of the type of person with whom you can connect and build a solid relationship. Therapy is no different.

There are lots of qualified, competent, and effective therapists out there, but they might not all be a good fit for you. Know what qualities and qualifications you are looking for in a therapist. Some common ones to consider are age, gender, sexual orientation, years of experience, personality, communication style, therapeutic approach, in-person vs. virtual appointment options, location, areas of specialty, and advanced trainings. Consider which of those qualities or qualifications are non-negotiable, and which ones you’re not so concerned about. Ultimately a good therapist will be able to connect with you regardless of those traits, but it can be a helpful way to narrow down your options.

Find a Few Potentials.

Now that you have a better idea of what you need and what you’re looking for in a therapist, it’s time to go looking! Word-of-mouth referrals can be a great place to start because you’re getting more vetted recommendations from people you trust and who know you well. You can ask that therapist friend in your life or your other health care providers that you trust, like a primary care physician or physical therapist, if they have any referrals. You can even ask friends or family members who are in therapy and who enjoy their experience. You wouldn’t be able to see the same person, but that therapist might be part of a larger practice with other, similar therapists. Another great way to find a good candidate is by using a mental health provider search engine such as Psychology Today. The search engine allows you to filter for specific demographics and areas of specialty, as well as by location.

You may be wondering why I recommend finding a few candidates. The most obvious reason is that if you try one and it’s not a good fit, you’ve already identified someone else to contact. It can also be helpful, though, because of the current demand for mental health services. Thankfully, in the wake of the pandemic, therapy is less stigmatized and more in-demand than ever, but that means that it can be hard to find a therapist who is currently accepting new clients. Having a few comparable options in mind can ensure that you’re not waiting 2-3 months or even longer before you can see someone.

Try It Out.

Therapy is all about the therapeutic relationship. It is a unique space where “the work” is to dig into your most vulnerable spaces that you spend most of your time protecting. That is scary work! It takes a lot of courage to go to therapy, and for that work to be possible, there has to be safety and trust. There might be a perfectly capable and qualified therapist who you just don’t feel safe with, and that’s ok! Keep these tips in mind as you’re trying out a new therapist:

• Schedule a consultation call. Many therapists offer a 15-min phone consultation free of charge. This can be a good opportunity to test the relational connection in a live interaction without having to commit to a whole hour. It also gives you a chance to ask any questions you have about therapy in general or about their approach in particular.
• Be flexible about the timing of your session. The evening hours are the most coveted slots in a therapist’s schedule, so those are the first to fill up. This may mean you’ll be waiting quite a while to see your preferred therapist during the evening. Lunch hour or midday slots are often open and hard to fill, so consider scheduling your session then to avoid the wait. Even if you work at an office during the day, you may be able to schedule a virtual session while you’re on your lunch break.
• Commit to two or three sessions if you can. Like I said, it can be scary to go to therapy and if you’re prone to avoiding things that scare you, you may be missing out on a perfectly good fit by moving on prematurely. The intake, or first session, is different than a normal session, so it might not be an accurate representation of what that relational dynamic is like. Give yourself and the therapist a chance to see if you fit well together.
• Be willing to give feedback. Therapists are trained to be perceptive and intuitive, but even they aren’t mind readers. Telling a therapist when something isn’t working for you or when you have a concern can be hard at first, but it’s an essential ingredient to a healthy therapeutic relationship. The more you speak up, the more likely it is that your needs will be met, and the safer you’ll feel.
• No therapist is going to match your needs perfectly, and they don’t have to for it to be a good fit. But knowing that you’re allowed to stop going if feedback isn’t helping can be an empowering thought. Some questions to ask yourself after the first few sessions:
  • Did I feel listened to?
  • Did I feel seen and validated in my experience?
  • Did I feel confident that they knew what they were talking about?
• Consider asking your therapist what kind of professional support system they have in place. A green flag to look for is someone who seeks regular consultation or supervision. Therapy can be an emotionally taxing job, so finding a therapist that takes active steps to ensure their own health and support is important.

Going to therapy is hard and it will challenge you in many ways. Making the decision to go is the first brave step on the journey of growth and healing. If you find yourself at any point in the process of looking for a therapist, consider reaching out to the Couch Method. Whether you have a clear sense of your goals or you still don’t know where to start, give us a call and our warm and caring staff can help you decide whether a therapist at the Couch Method could be a good fit for you.