Myth vs. Fact: 6 Myths about Therapy Debunked

During the pandemic, like 987,000 other under-stimulated and over-anxious individuals, I picked up the hobby of baking sourdough bread. I read up on how to make your own starter from scratch and diligently researched the process from start to finish. After a few failed attempts, I made my first successful loaf of bread. I continued to make my sourdough whenever the occasion called for it, but there were a few issues I kept having. It wasn’t until 2 years later when I was asking a fellow sourdough hobbyist about his process that I realized I’d been operating under a false idea. I assumed that since sourdough was a type of bread, and since you were supposed to knead bread, you must have to knead sourdough until it gets nice and stretchy. Well, it’s no wonder, then, that no matter how much I kneaded and kneaded my sourdough, it never got any stretchier! I learned that sourdough doesn’t work that way. You have to let the dough rest and periodically stretch it before baking it.

When you’re new to something, the terrain is unfamiliar, and it takes a while to get your bearings. It’s even harder to do so when you’re operating with faulty information. Sure, I was making loaves of bread that tasted fine, but I was making the process more difficult for myself.

Therapy is the same way. As a therapist, I see many people come into my office who are ready to do therapy, but who have some misunderstandings about the way that it works. Since the same ideas keep tripping people up, I’ve decided to distill 6 common myths about therapy here so you can be ready to debunk those myths for yourself when you see them.

 

Myth #1: To get good therapy, I need to see someone with a doctorate and/or with many years of experience.

While training, degrees, and modalities of treatment are certainly important, studies show that the biggest indicator of successful therapy is your relationship with your therapist. Period. Regardless of whether your therapist takes a psychodynamic or CBT approach. Regardless of whether your therapist has been working for 1 or 10 years. All of those factors matter, but if therapy is a salad, the therapeutic relationship is the lettuce. No lettuce, no salad.

Another point to consider is that there may actually be benefits to having younger or more inexperienced clinicians. They have the advantage of having been through school more recently which means more exposure to current treatment approaches and research. Beginning therapists are also required to seek supervision, so they have access to the expertise and input of a whole network of therapists. If you are looking for a therapist for your child or teen, a beginning therapist might even be preferable. Your young one might feel more comfortable with a younger therapist who knows more about youth culture.

 

Myth #2: The therapist I want will have an evening slot available that works with my schedule.

Those evening slots! Everybody loves them which also means they are the first to be filled in any therapist’s calendar. Being flexible in your timing can improve your chances of seeing your preferred therapist more quickly. Midday appointments around the lunch hour are the most difficult to fill, so if you can make that work, you should have little trouble in beating the line. Many therapists offer virtual sessions which makes a lunch hour appointment very feasible.

 

Myth #3: My therapist will be perfect.

Nope. I checked. All therapists are just human like everybody else. They are trained humans who hopefully aren’t tripped up as often, but even they don’t get it right every time. Expect bumps in the road. Now, by bumps, I don’t mean a therapist who is passive aggressive or reams you out – that’s just unprofessional. By bumps, I mean misses. Your therapist is pretty skilled at perceiving and asking what’s going on with you and determining what techniques might be most helpful to you. But they might misread things or there may be a piece of information they don’t have about the situation and something they try with you just falls flat. What makes it hard is that those misses happen during times when you might be sharing something really vulnerable. Being in this more sensitive state might make that miss feel like a really big deal. You might feel awkward or disappointed or even angry at your therapist. Don’t worry, though. This is not a bad thing. In fact, it can actually be part of the therapeutic work. Just remember to give your therapist feedback when it happens so they can talk it through with you. Feedback, you say? I could never tell my therapist to his face that I’m upset! Giving feedback can be really hard. Especially if feedback is not something that goes well in your family. Consider writing your feedback in an email if face-to-face feels too scary. Healthy therapists will welcome the feedback: they aren’t mind readers, but they want to give you the best therapy for you.

 

Myth #4: My therapist is the expert, so I just have to show up and wait for her to make me better.

Your therapist is an expert in mental health, but she is not you. She is not the active party acting on a passive one. She is a guide who can provide you with a map and supplies for the journey you want to take, but in the end you’re the only one who can put one foot in front of the other and get from A to B. Taking those steps can be scary, but remember, you’re not in it alone. Bonus tip: If you often find yourself wishing that someone would sweep in and rescue you from an overwhelming situation, that could be a good pattern to explore with your therapist. It’s coming from somewhere!

Myth #5: My therapist is the expert, so I have to do whatever he suggests unquestioningly.

While your therapist is the mental health expert, you are the you expert. No one knows what you’re thinking, feeling, experiencing, or sensing better than you! Therapy involves pushing you out of your comfort zone so you can grow, so a certain level of discomfort is ok. But more discomfort than you’re ready for or equipped to handle can be unhelpful or damage that therapeutic bond. Finding the sweet spot between your comfort zone and your unsafe zone is tricky and it takes a lot of communication between you and your therapist. Their job is to teach you skills and provide treatment while checking in with you throughout the process, but they can’t know how it feels for you unless you tell them. Your job is to listen to yourself, your needs, your emotions and let your therapist know about them.

 

Myth #6: I’ve heard of CBT (ERP, cognitive therapy, fill-in-the-blank type of therapy), and I need to get that type of treatment to get better.

It’s true. There are numerous studies that show certain modalities are effective with specific mental health issues (i.e. Cognitive Behavioral therapy (CBT) for depression and anxiety). But remember back in myth #1 when we talked about how the therapeutic relationship is the most important factor? It turns out to be true when it comes to treatment modalities too. That relationship creates a solid foundation that allows a variety of approaches to be effective in treating whatever you’re struggling with. In practice, most therapists use an intentionally eclectic approach anyway. For example, only using CBT for anxiety can get at the thought processes and behaviors that perpetuate and reinforce your anxiety, but it’s unable to get at the relational or experiential roots of it. The most effective approach deftly weaves a combination of approaches together to approach your mental health holistically.

Now that we’ve debunked the most common myths about therapy, you’re ready to make the most of those weekly session with your therapist. Remember, a more informed you is a more empowered you! If you’ve made it all the way through this post, but you still haven’t found a therapist, consider reaching out to us at The Couch Method. Whether you have a clear sense of your goals or you still don’t know where to start, give us a call and our warm and caring staff can help you decide whether a therapist at the Couch Method could be a good fit for you.